Do you like learning about other places, people, and things?
The mission of “Living in the US” is simple yet necessary: To help those who want a better way to live in, think about, or even move about the US and worldwide. So they can reach an unrattled potential—their way.
Serving as a US-based port for world-oriented minds, we talk about wisdom unheard, heritages forgotten, places abandoned, family, culture, food, friendships, & living a worthy life.
Plus architecture, world folklore, super-volcanoes, village-family heritages, restaurant systems, noise-worth perception, and professional mobility.
Living in the US looks at the day-to-day differences between living in the US and elsewhere. We look at the underbelly of what’s usually sugar-coated and shown in US movies.
The hope is that, armed with deeper knowledge from here, you can spend more time sitting in your favorite spot at home, with people you care about, doing things only you care about.
There’s a lot of noise.
Especially about what you ‘should’ be doing to reach—what we call “full potential.”
In the US, we’re evaluated, ranked, measured, and sized up and down. Usually based on performance, work accolades, income, car numbers, size of our house, and as of late—the size of followers.
Something is off.
And we’re on a mission to learn, debunk, deconstruct, and share back what we find with you.
So that everyone facing something new can wake up unrattled every day. Even when they’re being sized up and down by others, moving to a new country, transitioning to a new job, or pursuing a new interest.
Why “Living in the US”?
Hi, I’m Thalia Toha (pronunciation: tAwl-yAh tOe-hA). I’ll be the person behind Living in the US.
I study ways human potential is measured when you live in the US vs. elsewhere, using the world's forgotten secrets & ancient heritages.
Selfishly, I did this for myself. I was curious about some things I only see in the US.
My mother is from a village in the mountain regions of Sumatra—home of the near-extinct Sumatran tigers and dark Sumatran coffee beans. My father was born in the dense rain forest of Borneo—home of the orangutans. And though I was born in the US, I lived in the tropics of Indonesia for most of my childhood, and then moved to the US in my late teens.
Later in life, I had a range of interest.
I restored 15,000 square feet civic buildings.
I mapped food halls in the desert of America.
I’ve been called an advocate of small giants,
Princeton grad, first-generation immigrant,
ex-advisor to Fortune 500 restaurants,
former historic preservation architect &
student of one of New York’s Big 5 architects, …
And many other titles that the world wants us to think are important,
When they’re really not.
Admittedly, I’m also a bit ashamed of having been advisor to many big restaurants and making their pockets deeper.
I am. Not because wealth is shameful, especially in the US. But because I was a part of something where all the good men and women in it, can only explain odd (and I’d say unchecked) customs with, “It’s just how it is.”
Here’s what I mean.
I remember walking into a work meeting.
Someone reached out looking for advice on their next restaurant venture. And no joke, when the guy who I was supposed to meet walked in, he looked me up and down, stared at me dead in the eye and went,
“What is a small girl doing here?”
I think I may have yelped something like a nervous snort.
I get it. I’m short.
Just over five feet, in fact.
But his face was dead-pan. He wasn’t kidding.
Strange.
Why DO we measure someone’s worth this way in the US?
I’m sure I’ve been guilty of measuring the worth of someone this way, too.
Weirder still: I didn’t feel offended.
Which tells me that I’ve internally accepted that the measure of someone’s potential—is based on outward size and volume.
But how exactly does something so quantitative become an accepted (and expected) quality? What about norms like “go big or go home”? What does that mean? And why do we believe that? Does this happen more in the US? Why and why not? Does it even matter? How does this change (or not change) how we live and work?
More questions surfaced.
So that’s how this all got started.
And my mission here: is to answer these questions with a fresh perspective—even when it’s flawed.
I’m not an expert in these topics. I’m not a professional journalist. I’m not a writer. I’m not an eloquent speaker. I’m not a historian. I’m not an academic researcher. I’m not a celebrated scientist.
Which is why, I won’t be talking about politics, economy, commerce, stock market, or venture capitalism.
There are many other people who can do a better job at those than I can.
Instead, I see myself more as a US-based custodian of world's forgotten secrets.
When my grandfather, Minister of Labor and Agricultural Affairs for the revolutionary cabinet, helped Indonesia’s first president declare independence from colonial Dutch, they had a point:
They wanted people’s stories, and the lives of those who came before them, to live on.
Not so easy to do, of course.
Especially if you’ve had to start something completely new. Whether it’s a new interest, a new job, a new city, a new group of friends, or even a new country.
Something I had to learn the hard way. When I first stepped foot on the yellow and orange foliage of America as a teenager. Unsure. Disoriented. And alone. I came to the US in the late 1990s. It was after a civil unrest, burning, and raping—escalated.
But that’s a story for another time.
The reality is that we can’t just erase the places we’ve been to, and *just* take on an oversimplified ideology on life. We no longer can just be force-fed thoughtless slogans. Like “go big or go home.”
What DOES that mean, anyway?
In the US, and now worldwide, we love “going big”. We love the idea of the individual hero. And doing things on our own. And rightly so.
It sounds better that way.
Except, we’re a function of everything we’ve been through. And by extension: everywhere we’ve been to. And everyone we’ve met.
And the individual, as vast as their potential can be, is still at its core: a singularly molten-lava phenom. Which is why, I don’t believe that you have to be a big name to live a big, meaningful life. I believe anyone can be a small giant.
And thanks to my two kids who taught me about imperfection: I don’t mind if it gets ugly on the way.
So bear with me if you see a non-suit-and-tie style of writing. English is not my native tongue. And despite all my dear family’s hard work in putting up with my 200,000+ miles of air travel, grammatical errors and typos still happen.
So, here’s …
What you can expect in your inbox each week with a free subscription
Thing 1: Email-Posts on Tuesdays |12:00 PM US Mountain Time
We’ll cover a range of curious things, like:
Sitting on the icy beach: A seaworthy ideology on time-wasting (and why both Hawaii and Alaska are the top two states in the Well-Being Index).
Why the same people always win: On knowing one town-square reality
Eating our way out of a polite kill: Answering “What do you do?” at dinner parties
This frozen past has something to say: On freezing and winning back time.
Plus,
Thing 2: Podcasts on Thursdays |12:00 PM US Mountain Time
We’ll talk about things like:
A Disney+ creator on cage-fighting jobs unloyal to us with the fortitude to withstand work.
Capsizing the pressure to be self-made: A cautionary tale of blood thirst for being enough.
Marvel’s Moon Knight & why we always want to do everything at once.
An Ode to: Making it in Hollywood with a mixed-heritage background.
More topics on the podcast will include:
Responsibility to self and others in the US
The pressure of doing things “on your own,” and being “self-made” in the US.
48-year secrets of remote work in the US: getting recognition—even if English is a second language.
The Mekong Chronicles: The real price of loneliness in the US, and what it’s actually doing to our search for meaning.
3-generational Dinner Conversations: What the Italian, Hungarian, and Estonian grandparents really had to say about living in the US.
“It’s not enough just to be good in the US, you have to be …” : A deconstruction of the standards of sufficiency and proficiency in the US.
When you live in the US but still have ties 2,000 miles away, and what to do if neither side gets it.
Making life decisions in the US
A 10-year review of paths less traveled: What to do when your interests aren’t widely accepted in the US.
What is actually happening when someone has a mid-life crisis in the US and “buys a bunch of sports cars.”
The 8-ladders that anyone wanting to make movies in the US need to know.
Behind the Ivy Gates: Are we over-committing to careers and industries in the US that have no loyalty to us?
What to actually do about it if you always feel like you should be “doing something else,”—even after 40-hours of work per week in the US.
Creating a meaningful life in the US
The start-to-finish process of getting a script to screen in the US anyone can do, even if you don’t have any experience.
The key to learning anything fast in the US—even if you’re not the smartest, not the youngest, and not the fastest person in the room.
A cannon of partiality: On fitting in everywhere and belonging nowhere.
A UK-bred transplant on his time with an NBA legend, and what he learned about the secret to meaningful success in the US.
Why we’re constantly trying to prove that we “got it” in the US, and how to keep this from making us do things we’ll regret when we’re 85.
Ownership in the US
The Fight for Fitness: Is the whole mental health system in the US tracking the wrong data? And is that really why we’re paying over $300/hour whenever we visit a doctor’s office?
Whether switching from one path of passion to another is a good thing in the US, and what CEOs, bosses, and higher-ups really think about it.
How one man went from a serendipitous visit to a community gym, to receiving advice from Philadelphia 76ers’ leader.
Ownership, Observed: “Is scarcity a bigger motivator for impact in the US?”
Staying away from being “sold out” with a path you know you’d hate, without having to sacrifice too much time and money in the US.
Being at home in the US
The dark side of “being all-in” in the US and accidentally committing to something you didn’t know was NOT right for you.
The Wall of Giving Back: Sending $500 to $2,000 to family and friends abroad from the US, why it’s so hard, and what to really do about it.
Realistic ways to support the aspirations of your partner, wife, and husband in the US—without having to give yours up.
The challenges and triumph of being a late stage and career-oriented 30+ year-old single mother in the US.
New York to Graduate, a Collective: What it’s really like to come into the US for school.
